Newsletter Archive: March 2009

 

Text Box: March 2009 Welcome to the Dare to Blossom newsletter If this has been forwarded to you by someone else, you can sign up for your own copy every month here. If you do not wish to receive future editions, please email me to unsubscribe. Everyone who is on the mailing list will be entered into a draw twice a year (at the end of June and the end of December) with a chance to win a prize of six free life coaching sessions. In this issue: Reflections: F.I.N.E. and F.E.A.R. Dare to Blossom Workshop: 14 March 2009, Chacewater Village Hall Inspirational events and resources Reflections: F.I.N.E. and F.E.A.R. Despite my best efforts to ‘practice what I preach’ and use all the wonderful techniques and approaches I write about and spend my time helping people use for themselves, this month I have been feeling caught up in the worry and fear of economic circumstances that are affecting all of us in some way. You may have heard of the two acronyms above before, both of them I find very useful to make me pause and think about how I am reacting to events. F.I.N.E. = Feeling Insecure Neurotic and Emotional. I first heard this at the regular conference of Cancer Self Help Groups in Manchester (see the link below) – some people use a different ‘F word’ instead of ‘Feeling’! It describes that response that you make when people ask how you are in a routine way, probably not really expecting or wanting a full or truthful answer. And when I am feeling insecure, neurotic and emotional, whatever the cause of that feeling, whether an illness or something else, I probably do not want to discuss it in a passing conversation either. Thinking of my reply ‘I’m fine thank you’ in this way however, enables me to smile and think inwardly about how I really do feel and so I am not being false to myself. At the same time I feel so grateful to many dear friends who do give me the time and space to truly say exactly how insecure, neurotic and emotional I feel and to feel safe doing it. You know who you are – thank you! For you: try this out and see if it helps you to smile when you may be in that situation of wanting to carry on and be in control and not be emotional. F.E.A.R. = False Evidence Appearing Real Mark Twain said “I am an old man and have known a great many troubles, but most of them never happened.” Most of the things that we worry about and are afraid of are based on false evidence which is itself generated by our fear, a vicious circle of worry and imagination. Another quote: “Real difficulties can be overcome, it is only the imaginary ones that are unconquerable.” (Theodore N. Vail) How often do we base our fears on something imagined or exaggerated? It often happens at that “four o’clock in the morning moment” when we wake up perhaps because we are already worrying or for another reason, but everything seems magnified in severity at that time of the night. When I was young I could worry myself into a terrible state simply because my mother was later back from shopping than I thought she would be. By the time she got home, perhaps having stopped for a friendly chat with a neighbour, I would have visualised all sorts of dire events from car crashes to fires. All based on one tiny fact (she hadn’t arrived home by two o’clock perhaps) and the rest invented by my imagination. The same sort of thing happened after I had cancer, every little normal ache and pain could provoke an over-reaction of fear, and was based on “False Evidence Appearing Real”. So, I have learnt over the years to use the power of my imagination to work in the other direction, to visualise the good outcomes that 99% of the time are the true outcome, and deal with the real difficulties when they happen, In difficult times I am only human and as such prone to slip back into old patterns, and find myself back in that feeling where everything is a disaster, nothing can be done, it seems like the end of the world. There is a physical feeling that goes along with that too, the tense, stiff feeling, almost being unable to breathe. What is does to me is to shut out the good things, close down my ability to be objective, to see the real evidence. So for example, here, now, sitting writing this, I am well, warm, well fed, with a roof over my head. I have family and friends around me and all sorts of advantages and support. And I remember to breathe deeply again, to get up and stretch, go out in the fresh air and admire the spring flowers. The real circumstances are still there but they are not those that seem real when prompted by those “F.E.A.R.” thoughts that so frighten me when I let them run away with me. I look for the true evidence and use that to base my decisions on – and calm my over-reactions to the false evidence or fear. For you: can you look at your current fears objectively? Perhaps write about them, first put down everything you are thinking and feeling, however foolish it seems. Enjoy getting your fears off your chest where they stop you breathing, and down on paper. This can help you see how many fears may be based on false evidence, and then you can look at what is genuine and work out tactics to deal with that situation. Fear, or nervousness, can be very close to excitement and anticipation, think about all the adrenaline sports, or the excitement of looking forward to a journey to a new place. Another quote: "Fear cannot be without hope nor hope without fear." (Benedict Spinoza, also known as Baruch, 1632-77, Jewish born Dutch philosopher and theologian. This wonderful quote, from Ethics, 1677, helps reassure us that in fear there is always hope, and that when we hope, we also fear, and so we can embrace and welcome both feelings.) The comment on the quote is provided by the Quote Garden writer (see the link below), and I find the idea that “we can embrace and welcome both feelings” very helpful. Welcome your fear as a messenger (like pain is), find out the true message and distil out the hope that you can use to grow through the difficult times and become stronger and more vibrant. Finishing this piece of writing today, I looked for an inspirational link to add, and, even though I did not search on ‘fear’, I was drawn to a video clip of Neale Donald Walsch (author of the Conversations with God books) discussing “The Emotion of Fear”. He describes another possible acronym for fear: Feeling Excited And Ready, and talks about “calling your fears adventure”, which is similar to my thoughts above. He says if you can do this you can use that positive energy of excitement to move you forward. Of course it was not a coincidence that I found his words today, and it is wonderful to hear his way of looking at this emotion of fear that affects us all. Finally, I have always found comfort in the Serenity Prayer: God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change Courage to change the things I can And wisdom to know the difference. Links: National Conference of Cancer Self Help Groups Quotes from Quote Garden, a brilliant source of thought-provoking words on every subject you can think of. The Neale Donald Walsch talk is here. “Creating Abundance with Passion” workshop 14 March The next full day Dare to Blossom workshop will be on Saturday 14 March at Chacewater Village Hall, near Truro. I am pleased to say that the workshop already has enough people booked to go ahead, and it would be wonderful to welcome you to the day as well. Do contact me if you would like to know more. Come and enjoy a full day of fun, laughter, and reflection, to focus on what matters most to you. We will use life coaching and creative exercises designed to help you to celebrate the abundance all around us even in the midst of change and uncertainty.   Building on the half-day taster events this workshop will be limited to a maximum of 12 people and will give time and space for deeper work on finding your passion in your life and your work and tapping into that to create abundance for you and those close to you.   Venue: Chacewater Village Hall, near Truro, Cornwall Times: arrival from 9.30 for refreshments, start at 10.00, finish at 4.00 p.m. Bring: a notebook and a packed lunch Cost: £50 per person, including a follow-up telephone coaching consultation after the workshop (value £45). Some concessionary places available.    Booking form here. Accessibility: my sincere thanks to a newsletter reader who very politely pointed out that I have been remiss in letting you know about the access arrangements for the venues for workshops. Please accept my apologies for not doing this automatically. Chacewater Village Hall: the Killifreth Room that I use is upstairs and has two means of access if stairs are difficult for you for any reason. There is a fully wheel-chair accessible lift. Also, as the building is set into the hillside, it is possible to access the room by going up the road and in the rear entrance, it would be necessary for the glass doors to be opened for you. Your requirements: if there is anything I can do to make it more comfortable for you to attend a workshop, perhaps seating, cushions, extra heating, or dietary requirements, please do not hesitate to contact me by email or phone. Inspirational events and resources Confidence and Assertiveness courses for women Fiona Crump from evolution Personal and Corporate Development is repeating her successful course in two formats: a weekly evening class on Monday evenings for 8 weeks, starting on 16 March, or two full days a week apart on Wednesdays 11 and 18 March. I have spent some fruitful evenings with Fiona at our local coaching circle and find her style of working peaceful and fun, supportive and challenging. Contact Fiona for full details via the website link above or phone 01872 555939. Judy Hemingsley has just published her new book Work from Home which is a readable and practical guide to working happily and successfully from home, and is packed with advice and tried-and-tested tips from the author and many other home workers. There is a free report available from her website Work from Home Wisdom, I found it a useful summary of the pleasures and pitfalls that may await anyone starting to work from home. A New You Workshop 21 March at the Eden Project with Sarah Rozenthuler I attended this workshop drawing on the ‘Conversations with God’ work by Neale Donald Walsch last year and have booked to go again as I found it was a wonderful way of reconnecting with myself and my dreams. Visit the website for full details: www.anewyouworkshop.com Debbie Clayton has a full programme of events for Spring 2009. Her website is http://www.angelsoflight.co.uk/. April 18th – 24th is a Retreat Week. For the latest information email eresdor@aol.com, or phone 01726 883213. Thank you for reading, do email me with any questions, comments or suggestions, or feedback on particular items. Please feel free to forward this newsletter to anyone you think may be interested. Mary



 

 

 

Home

 

What’s in it for me?

 

Services

 

Courses & workshops

 

My background

 

My books

 

Reviews

 

Testimonials

 

Web links

 

Book List

 

Are you ready for Coaching?

 

Newsletter

Sign-up & Link to Archives

 

Inspiring Events

 

Coaching code of ethics

 

Newsletter Archive

March 2009

 

 

 
Photo of brilliant pink passionflower