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Newsletter Archive: March 2007 & May 2007
May 2007
(please scroll down the page for the March edition, if you wish to read later editions please go to the Newsletter page and follow the links there)
In this issue:
- ‘Changing your mind’: tips on changing ‘should’ to ‘could’ - Reflections on living every moment to the best - Feedback from the last Dare to Blossom workshop
Changing your Mind This exercise is from ‘Just do it now – how to become the person you most want to be’ by Lynda Field. I first read Lynda’s work on self-esteem for women a number of years ago and have recently come across this book. (see www.lyndafield.com) I am finding it very useful and recommend it to you. This is an example of one of her exercises (abbreviated slightly) from page 104.
Stage 1: Make a ‘should’ list – we all have these in our heads so this is pretty easy to do! e.g. I should be fitter I should give up chocolate I should work harder I should love my brother I should get up earlier etc, etc
Stage 2: Read your list aloud and ask ‘Why should I?’, write the answers down by each item. e.g. because people won’t like me because my husband/wife, mother/father says I should because that’s what good people do etc
These answers show how we make ourselves wrong and limit ourselves by the beliefs we hold. Try ending one of your ‘should’ statements with ‘because I really want to’ – it doesn’t make sense, does it? This is because ‘should’ implies reluctance, guilt and fear.
Stage 3: Rewrite your list replacing ‘should’ with ‘could’, and starting each statement with ‘If I really wanted to’. e.g. If I really wanted to, I could be fitter If I really wanted to, I could give up chocolate If I really wanted to, I could work harder If I really wanted to, I could love my brother If I really wanted to, I could get up earlier
Do you see how different this list is? You may immediately see some things you don’t want to do (perhaps, work harder, and give up chocolate). The things you do want to do now become open to various possibilities of how you can do them, you cease to be a victim and remember you have a choice to live your life how you want, not how someone else has always told you (that someone may be yourself).
Reflections on living every moment to the best Yesterday I wanted something to reflect on before a busy day. I didn’t have time to read, or to draw an angel card as I sometimes do. So I opened one of the books I am currently reading (it happened to be ‘Writing down the bones’ by Natalie Goldberg, a classic book for writers). I shut my eyes and placed my finger on the page. opening my eyes again I saw the word ‘poem’.
I only occasionally write poetry, and it took me a moment to reflect on how this might offer inspiration for my day. Then it came to me: a poem is the writer’s best effort at a true expression of something. It could be a description of a scene, an event, a feeling. Poetry often expresses feelings that we suppress or do not let ourselves feel fully: anger, frustration, grief, exultation, joy.
So the message I took from this was that each moment of my day (and my life) can be a lived poem, I can do my best in each instant to make it a true reflection of myself. Sometimes we don’t feel able to say to others what we truly wish to at a particular time or in a particular situation. I feel it is the trying that matters, so even if etiquette and convention prevent me from being entirely open with my feelings, I can still not be dishonest with them. As I become braver and practise this, I believe it will help me and those around me if I am able to be clear about I want and need, rather than hiding behind the platitudes of habit. Maybe they will be able to be clear too and our relationships will become based more on understanding and trust.
How does this resonate with you? Do you feel viewing your moments as a ‘lived poem’ helps you? Have you tried the ‘opening a book at random’ technique of accessing new ways of thinking? Do write to me if you would like to, it is great to share other people’s thoughts and experiences.
Feedback from the Dare to Blossom workshop
The first ‘How much joy can you stand?’ workshop at Chacewater Village Hall in Cornwall was a great success. I feel that it was exactly right for all of us present on that day. In spite of being exhausted from a difficult week, I was able to be open to the process myself and facilitate the exercises in a way that seemed to work for the group. I have put the feedback on my website, here are some of the words people wrote: “Very good atmosphere, no pressure, total acceptance of individuality, well facilitated. Meditation and art exercise were highlights for me. Quite profound experiences … liberating! Good for the soul to have a day away from the ordinary, with other women, encouraging each other to think about ourselves and giving ourselves space to explore new possibilities.” “An enjoyable and thought-provoking day. I found the Ten Truths a particularly useful exercise, a reminder of so much we already know but need to remember. Loved doing the creative exercise at the end. After an initial ‘What am I going to do?’ it just flowed and I really enjoyed myself. I liked your informal and conversational style of presenting and your willingness to share personal anecdotes. I also got a lot from sharing and interacting with other members of the group.” “I loved the badge exercise even before I got here, it got me doing something that I’d almost forgotten I enjoy. Good mix of activities: discussion, meditation, creative exercise. Can’t really think of anything I would change – perhaps a short creative exercise in the morning as well – though time may not allow. It was an enjoyable day and good to share ideas and thoughts with other people who were open and receptive, and to hear their thoughts as well. The day has been thought-provoking and I will go away feeling positive about making some changes.” “Really enjoyed my day, lovely to meet such an interesting group of people. The course gave me an insight into how I can improve my own life.” Thank you so much to those people for their thoughtful comments and for participating so enthusiastically and joyfully in the day, including the preparation exercise beforehand. Next time I will take a camera and ask permission to photograph the wonderful creations that were each so full of meaning and significance for their creators.
March 2007
In this issue:
- tips on making extra time for you - would you like to attend a Dare to Blossom workshop in your area?
Time Do you spend your life sounding and feeling like the White Rabbit in Alice in Wonderland ('I'm late, I'm late, for a very important date!'), forever running to keep up while feeling as if you are on a treadmill going faster and faster?
First of all, an inspirational poem:
Time
Take time to work; it is the price of success
Take time to think; it is the source of power
Take time to play; it is the secret of perpetual youth
Take time to read; it is the foundation of wisdom
Take time to be friendly; it is the road to happiness
Take time to love; it is the joy of life
Take time to laugh; it is the music of soul
(Adapted from an old English prayer)
So, maybe you would like to approach your time ‘problem’ by going back to basics, reviewing or doing a ‘Wheel of Life’ exercise (that many of you will already have tried with me during your coaching). Also reviewing what your values in life are (let me know if you would like an exercise to try on this).
Then, you may be ready to start planning how you use your time. The following technique can help in prioritising:
SET PRIORITIES
In terms of practical application, this means that:
You must personally see to tasks which are both urgent and important. They should be tackled immediately (A tasks)
Tasks which are very important but not yet urgent can wait for the time being, but should be planned, i.e. given a schedule or delegated under supervision (B tasks).
Tasks which are not very important but which are urgent should be delegated or tackled in order of decreasing importance (C tasks).
You should distance yourself from tasks which are less urgent as well as less important (bin or file).
Be a little more daring when it comes to taking risks and opt for the wastepaper basket more often. Things frequently take care of themselves if they lie around long enough! Work smarter not harder!
That was written with a view to workplace priorities, and can equally well be applied to personal life, especially as many of us are juggling family, work, voluntary commitments as well as trying to find time for ourselves.
Dare to Blossom workshop in your area?
My new series of workshops for this year are proving very popular. At the moment I have a date on 21 April at Chacewater Village Hall in Cornwall. I have also been asked to arrange workshops for particular groups.
For example – do you and a group of friends all have children just started or starting full time at school? Are you wondering what you will do with you time? Do you feel you have lost your identity as a working woman, and/or as an individual, rather than 'mum'? Why not book a workshop for you and your friends?
It can be held in someone’s home if there is room for 6-8 people, or in a local community centre, village hall or library if they have a room available to rent at a reasonable cost. I can arrange the times to fit within school hours so you can relax without having to make arrangements for child collection and care after school. I can also to a half day workshop if you prefer. If you help me set up a workshop and get a group of at least 6 people to attend, (up to 12) you will qualify for a free place for yourself. The price per person will depend on the costs of the room and travel.
Other groups I have worked with are women (or men) approaching the ‘empty nest’ phase when children are leaving home for college or jobs; people wanting to develop or re-ignite creative pursuits such as writing or painting; people recovering from illness or bereavement; people wanting or being forced to look for new jobs; people wanting to start a business, or developing a business and struggling to keep up with all the demands. Also of course, mixed groups of all these people who want a day to sit back and think about where they really want to go in life!
So – what happens at a workshop? I vary the titles but the aims are the same, to help you discover what stops you following your dreams and learn tools to deal with these blocks. So the current information on my 21 April workshop reads: How much joy can you stand? Pushing past your fear and creating your dreams. A day to explore what matters to you, how you can find your joy and practice unleashing your creativity to lead you there. If you are someone who has dreams you never get to, this is for you. The purpose is to re-ignite your creative processes and uncover and defuse the thousand good reasons why we never get down to work. So, writing a book, taking up painting, starting a business or changing your job is no longer a faraway ‘impossible dream’. You will discover the 10 truths that lie at the heart of whether you will create or not. Interactive exercises such as list-making, guided meditation, and a fun, hands-on creative activity are designed to put you back in touch with the source of your inspiration. You will go home with tools for continuing the work you started here, as well as a network of support. You will re-discover your own remarkable power to create and the pure joy that it brings.
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